A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
