i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
