I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
