One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
