she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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