i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
