Jerry, you need to find god
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
