We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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