I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
