If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
too bad you live with your parents still
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
