Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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