i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
