You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
