I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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