HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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