It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
