Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
