This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
