I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
