Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
