just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he was CRYING into my vagina
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
