we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
