i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
