Define "chronic" masturbator.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
