My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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