just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
