Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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