Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
