My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
