Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
