Just cropdusted the office
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
