If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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