i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
