No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
