She is in my trunk
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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