it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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