Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
