he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
