you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
