I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
