Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
