I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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