I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
