How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
