put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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