Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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