omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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