True but thats because hes a fetus.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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