Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
