Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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