i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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