the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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